Ask your partner what you want for!
- Farjana Akter
- June 16, 2020
“Remember your dreams and fight for them. You must know what you want from life. There is just one thing that makes your dream become impossible: the fear of failure.” – Paul Coehlo
Most of us don't know how to ask something which we really want from our partner. Some of us don't think is her/his partner really Capable to give which he/she want! Before asking something we should think about our needs, and capacity of our partner. Ok! Here are some tips for you to ask something from your partner.
First one: Find out your needs and wants
Second one: Express your needs and wants
Third one: Do appreciation and Validation
Find out your needs and wants: Do you know the difference between needs and wants? Needs are like something you must have to maintain your relationship and wants are like something you prefer. For example: to alive you must need oxygen. Wants are like you, prefer to eat ice-cream or chocolate. If you don't get ice-cream or chocolate. It will not make a big change in your life. Needs and wants are different in every relationship.
Some people's core needs in a relationship are feeling important, caring, honesty, integrity, commitment, open communication, unselfish and can connect with them on an emotional level. Some people's core needs in a relationship is easy going, likes to travel, makes them laugh, is reasonably in shape, intelligent and funny.
It doesn't mean you will get all in one. Nobody is perfect.
Suppose you are in a relationship with a guy who is honest, caring, integrity, commitment, unselfish but he is less communication and introvert. But you extrovert and always want your partner also be extrovert and open communication. In a relationship honest, integrity, commitment, unselfish is more important than being extrovert and less communication.
Our wants are flexible, but our needs not. Some of our needs are not so much important than our relationship. May be you like to hangouts with your friends, but your partner doesn't like it. If you are ok with partner choice, then you can consider. Some people don't want to consider. First, you should think about your core needs.
Express your needs and wants to your partner: Now you know about your needs and wants. It's time to express to your partner. We always desire that our partner will understand our needs and wants. We think they are Mind readers. In reality they are not! So it's time to tell them positively your needs and wants.
- First tell your partner you love him/her so much, how much you value him /her and how much they mean to you. Then express your demand.
- While talking your partner, be careful about your words. Words and expression are more important and sensitive. Sometimes we talk simply but people take it another Way and become serious.
- Always try to ignore talking when you are angry, frustrated or unclear about what you want.
- Something about your needs you don't tell to your partner. As you don't tell to your partner and simply he /she may be don't do this. So never complain of that.
For example: you like to get surprise for any occasion. But your partner is not used to give a surprise. As you don't tell him/ her that you like surprises, they even don't try to do this. As they are not used to give surprising and you never told that you love surprises! If they don't give you surprise, never complain them for that.
If you get hurt with their any message or behavior. Don't say 'I feel you don't love me or I feel you do it to hurt me!' you can say 'I feel hurt', 'I feel sorry' 'I feel broken'. It's sounding good and they can feel you truly.
Appreciation & Validation :
Now you know about your needs and wants. And also know how to express. Now learn how to appreciate and validate your partner's effort. In working hour may be your partner spend a very busy schedule. In his/her busy schedule, he/she always touches with you via texting. Give thanks for this priority.
We human being are egoistic. We always want our own priority, never want to give another person priority.
Relationship expert and researcher John Gottman found that couples need five positive interactions to everyone that is negative. We all have an emotional bank and your partner can put deposits in or make withdrawals. Negative interactions are withdrawals and if you take too much out your bank account becomes empty and your relationship fails.
If you expect your partner will meet all your needs instead of meeting some of your own! Then Dear! You need some time to grow up. It's not your partner job to fulfill all your needs and you will only enjoy. It’s your job to make yourself first happy and then look at your partner to be a supplement to your happiness.
